Under Attack

I know those of you out there in similar relationships and marriages can relate to this feeling of loneliness sometimes. It's especially prevalent on those Sunday mornings when I find myself alone at church. Yesterday was one of those mornings, but it wasn't the loneliness in worship that was the hard part for me. It was the simple act of getting ready and going to church.

It started as soon as I woke up. I knew Bryan had to go into work. One Sunday every three or four months, he has to go in to help with inventory. On a normal Sunday, if I initiate going to church, Bryan will go with me. There is definite squirming and the occasional eye roll, but he does go with me. He won't ask me if I want to go (or ask me not to go), but I am thankful that he will go.

I heard that voice inside of my head...

"You can get alot of stuff done if you stay home. Laundry, vacuum, grocery shopping, etc."

No. I need to go to church.

"Wouldn't it be nice just to have some alone time? Some coffee on the porch. A good book."

No. I promised myself I would go to church.

"You could have your own church at home. Pull out your Beth Moore book. Get some coffee. Go sit on the porch with your Bible."

Man. Satan knows I like my porch and coffee. That was REALLY tempting.

You get the picture. He tempted me the entire morning - even after I was on my way to church. I kept thinking, "What in the world is GOD going to show me at church that Satan does not want me to hear?" I prayed that my heart would be open to whatever GOD needed me to learn during worship.

Our pastor has started a series called "Flip Your House." Each week focuses on a different "room" and this week's theme was "The Dog House: Where Conflict is Resolved." As soon as I saw the sermon title, I immediately felt convicted. I knew exactly why Satan had not wanted me to hear God's word.

We looked at Ephesians 4:25-32. Some of the key phrases that stood out to me...

"... do not sin by letting anger gain control over you..."

It's okay to be angry! It's part of our nature! Conflict is also a part of every relationship - friends, families, and marriages. It's how we handle our anger and frustration that can lead to or away from sin. I will be the first to admit that I am a big manipulator during arguments. I can lay on the guilt just like my Mama taught me. I am also the first one to throw out a nasty remark or insult if I feel hurt. What GOD showed me on Sunday morning is that I need to have the common sense to be constructive with my anger. When Bryan and I disagree, I need to "put on love" and remember that I everything I say or do is a reflection of HIM.

"... anger gives the Devil a mighty foothold..."

This immediately connected with my Beth Moore study! This is like the "crack" in our wall that she talks about. It's all he needs to make us feel like we can be in control - we don't need GOD, our way is okay, etc.

My prayer has been that Bryan and I (especially me) would be able to respond to each other in love and with grace when we are angry. I pray that we would be able to put our conflicts into perspective and to stop looking at arguments and conflict situations as a win/lose situation. I pray that we would be able to speak positively with each other all of the time. I pray we would be able to forgive one another just as HE forgives us. I also pray for the opportunity to share what I learned with Bryan, and that his heart would be open to hear it. I pray all of these things for you, reader, as well. And I rejoiced that I won the battle yesterday - I went to church, I heard GOD's word, I felt convicted, I repented, and I am making a conscious effort not to repeat the same sin again. Praise HIM.

In Him,

Abby